Stop, Stop, You’re Making Me Cry

Every marriage is different so these sorts of all-encompassing advice columns are just useless. In that spirit here’s mine.

1. Learn lovingly. Figure out what she likes in bed, on hotdogs, in coffee, for breakfast. Write it down if necessary. Then make it happen, quietly, naturally as if the world wants her to be happy. Don’t make a big deal about it.

2. Don’t just pretend to listen, actually listen. You’re the one, who will listen if you don’t? You don’t have to react the way she wants you to every time. But you should be sympathetic even when you see things differently. Be honest, but lean toward her.

3. Bills, jobs, car insurance, that’s the stuff OUT THERE. When you’re with her, be with her. You have a place in her heart. Leave the muddy, angry boots outside. Be a place she relaxes, give her a hug with no pelvis action. Be her best friend.

4. Make her laugh. What’s great about a buddy who’s funny? You forget your troubles and laugh. Be that buddy to her. Be funny a lot. Seriously. Funny is better.

5. Be the man. Get off your butt and lift stuff. Fix stuff. Use those muscles she admires. Vacuum, cook, do your laundry. How sexy is a burden? Be a man who does stuff.

6. Commit Fully. This is it. There’s no next woman. This is your life. Make it great. Go with her to Home Depot and think about what color patio umbrella would look best. It’s not nothing. Every part of your life is part of your LIFE. Recognize that this is your life and get involved in it. Make it happen for both of you. It’s not a marathon. It’s way longer than that. If you’re lucky.