When my two boys were babies, they would sometimes try to squirm out of my grasp when I held them. Sometimes they even pressed their feet against me and used their chubby legs to push and twist and get me to release them. I never let go and let them fall, of course. Somehow I was reminded of this listening to the song soliloquy in which a carnival barker vows his boy Bill will grow up tough and strong and wont be bullied.

Jim o'connell

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Jan 14, 2022

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That’s the thing about kids though, they defy expectations. And sometime during their life they will begin to squirm out of your grasp to become who they want to be or have to be. I know this isnt news to parents of grown children. But just to the parents of newborns then: People will tell you your newborn looks like you or has your same big feet or dimples, People might suggest as they get older that your child has talents like your talents. But you should tape this message up on the inside of your skull so you don’t forget it. Your child is a completely new person, unlike you in as many ways as they are like you. You are raising a new person not a mini me. Your job is to show them as many options as you can afford to- golfing, painting, riding horses or motorcycles, cooking, playing chess, and grit your teeth and say “great” when they pick flower arranging or playing the cello or water polo.

Because they will never be satisfied trying to be another you, and you will never be satisfied that they have recreated you.
So trash the fantasy that anybody wants two of you walking around and attune yourself to the fascinating little person in front of you. They should turn out to be the best thing you’ve ever done.